Happy Holidays and warm wishes to you, as we welcome in the holiday season! For many, this is a very difficult time. Memories that lay dormant (or at least in the back of our minds) suddenly come at us full force, consuming much of our body, mind and soul. This is especially true if you are experiencing a recent loss, or if this time of year was significant for you or your loved one in some particular way. Those memories will be triggered by listening to Christmas carols, lighting a candle on the Menorah each day, or watching the exuberant laughter of children running throughout the malls. For me personally, decorating the Christmas tree with ornaments my grandmother made, and seeing photos with friends and family that are now DP’s – especially my beloved nephew whom I was with for his last Christmas – are the moments when the memories come forth.

Speaking of children, I was reminded that on Sunday, December 9th at 7 PM during each time zone around the globe, the Compassionate Friends has its “Worldwide Candle Lighting”. The Lighting unites families and friends as they light candles for one hour to honor and remember children who passed over at any age, from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 PM local time, hundreds of thousands of people commemorate and honor children, creating light around the world for 24 hours. For more information, visit their website: www.compassionatefriends.org.

I continue to be honored and thankful for all those on my staff who are there to help so many in need during this holiday time. Those who visit the message board know that you have created a safe haven for so many who have traveled there. I am forever grateful for all of you: Jess, Patty, and Dino . . . there are too many other board participants to name, but you know who you are. In all honesty, isn't that what the holidays are all about? Respect and caring for those who need the extra moment to know someone is there, even in a hurry . . . just an ear to listen so we can share all our feelings around deep losses. That, my friends, is truly what this season is about, and is the reason why I felt the importance of having message board – because knowing that you are not alone is truly a Godsend. Another acknowledgement I’d like to make is another year of connecting with so many of you from Connecticut, to California, to Roanoke, Virginia: it has once again been my honor to do what I love . . . connecting you with those DP's you love!

There are many people who have shared their ideas about walking the path of loss, and what they do to help them get through when the road gets rough. I’d like to pass along some of those ideas, which might come in handy - especially during the holidays.

• Believe that your departed loved ones are with you. Include them in your celebrations, and in your sadness. Include them in your discussions when you talk with others about old times and holidays past. If you don't mention them, no one else will!
• Talk to THEM, telepathically. They hear your thoughts . . . and if you listen, you can hear their replies.
• Light candles. Every year I light t a special candle for my Aaron, and this year will be no exception. Aaron is and will always be my nephew. Why perpetuate the myth of separation?
• Do good deeds in celebration of your loved one's life. Google “Random Acts of Kindness”, and choose one (or more) to do!
• Connect with your loved ones who have died. Buy yourself a holiday reading with a reputable medium, take a meditation class, find or create a special place to go to where you can feel their presence.
• Call a newly bereaved friend or neighbor and invite her or him to reminisce with you. Cry with them, listen to them, and share your journey together.
• Give to an organization that your loved one supported.
• Make a “Memory Tree”. Buy a small tree and decorate it with tokens of their life. You can do this regardless of your religion . . . do what makes you feel good!
• Don't worry about what others will think. You are solely in charge of this journey. It's all yours.

Here are a few other ideas I suggest:

• Hug those you love and those who need love. Thank them for being in your life.
• Stop DOING and just BE at least once every day. Create and then touch the magic.
• Make a list of who to shop for, those you want to be touched during this season of love.
• Send out cards to keep in touch with loved ones.
• Purchase candles to burn throughout the month as a reminder of love's immortality and to celebrate the lives of your DP’s.
• Prepare and mail out newsletters to those who are grieving, and those who love them.
• Decorate places you have acknowledged for your DPs, such as a tree you planted, simply because it is healing.
• Plan and carry out a huge random act of kindness, one that they would have loved doing.
• Shop - but spend only what you have.
• Wrap, mail, or deliver gifts.
• Decorate the outside of your house, and put up a real tree inside - The decorations will make people smile, and the tree will make your house smell of nature!
• Attend open houses of those you feel a connection to.
• Light candles while saying a prayer out loud – and I'll reiterate, know that your DPs can hear you!
• Go forth with life as your DPs would want you to – that is a way of honoring them.
• Lastly, toast to your DPs. Cook. Laugh. Dance. Sing. Know they will always be in your heart as you are in theirs.

Love someone who is grieving? Are you lost as far as how to help them through this upcoming season? Any of the above suggestions can be adapted (i.e. give money in celebration of their loved one's life and tell them about it, make them a memory tree, buy them a reading with a medium, etc.) to fit their needs. However, there are two gifts that you can give to a person deep in the pit of grief that will mean more than anything else:

1. Your undivided attention.
2. Unconditional acceptance of their journey, wherever it leads them.

I won't end this newsletter with a wish that you have your merriest holiday ever, because I know that for some of you, that is not possible or even desirable. Instead, my wish for you is this: That you find a quiet moment during this happy and magical (but sometimes sad and hectic) season upon us, and relax. That you take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and envision your friend, child, parent, sibling, spouse, grandparent, or partner living on the other side. That you accept that “dead” doesn't mean GONE. That you send out a “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Hanukkah”, “Happy Holidays” and “I love you” to your loved ones on the other side, and then BELIEVE when you hear his or her whispered reply of “I love you, too.”

Warmly,

Suzane